Dad's Southern Chili

Let me preface this with the following statement: My dad makes the BEST chili.

THE BEST.

I know. I know. Everyone thinks they make the best chili...well, they don't. He does. It's that simple.

And, as it turns out, it really is that simple. Dad graced me with his infamous chili recipe a few years ago and it is mmm mmm good. I have an inkling of an idea he may have left a secret ingredient or two out, because it never tastes exactly like his...but it is super tasty nevertheless.

And easy. And cheap (the entire pot should run you about $15 and make 4-5 heaping servings). And yummy even after freezing. The most important part is allowing yourself a leisurely cook day, because the longer it simmers and sits the better and better it gets.

Dad's Chili

Because this is Dad's secret chili recipe, and secret chili recipes are hard to come by and very beloved by the owners, and because he may or may not approve of me sharing it with the world, I feel an obligation to post the recipe exactly as he shared it with me. So here goes....

(Dad, being Southern, and therefore endowed with an odd sense of humor, specifically with an unusual appreciation for bathroom humor, has a fitting title for his chili:)

Recipe: Dad's "It will make you slap your mama and fart twice" chili

(No I didn't make that up...it is literally written at the top of the paper he gave me.)

Ingredients
1 generous lb of ground beef (cheap is fine; I use less than 15% fat)
1 packet Lawry's chili seasoning
1 medium yellow onion or 1/2 large
2-3 cloves garlic
1- 1 1/2 tbsp sugar
2 tbsp honey
1/4 medium lemon or 1/6 large
1/4c semi-sweet chocolate chips
8oz tomato sauce (Hunts or Del Monte preferred)
15oz kidney beans (canned fine, fresh better)
15oz pinto beans (canned fine, fresh better)
15oz canned S&W Mexican style stewed tomatoes

Directions
1. On low to medium heat brown the meat. Take your time: the point is to render the fat. (appx 5-10 minutes). Drain the fat well in a colander. If the meat looks greasy still, wash it down and return to the pan. Wash out the pan if you are using it the entire way through or transfer from skillet to your 3-4 quart sized pot with a heavy bottom.

2. Add in coarsely chopped onions and finely chopped garlic cloves to meat. Brown until onion turns translucent.

3. Add chili packet to meat, onion and garlic. Mix thoroughly.

4. Drain beans (if using canned, rinse completely, otherwise some juice may be left in) and add to meat mixture.

5. Add tomato sauce and stewed tomatoes. STIR.

6. Add appx 1/2 can of water to tomato sauce can, swirl to rinse down the sides, and add to pot.

7. Add sugar, honey, and lemon. Mix together.
*Start by going easy on the sugar and lemon, and taste later to see if you need more*

8. Add chocolate chips. Stir to incorporate.

9. If desired, add a couple "whaps" tobasco sauce (it's desired, trust me)

10. Bring chili to slow boil over low heat. Watch carefully to ensure that the mixture does not stick to the bottom. Stir often!

11. Once to a gurgling boil (one bubble here and there, slowly, and infrequently) turn heat to simmer or warm and cook, uncovered, 1 hr. Stir often-every 10-15 min to avoid sticking.

*Taste and adjust as necessary-some tomatoes are very acidic so you may need to add more sugar; add water if the chili is too thick*
12. Cover with lid and cook an additional 15-20 minutes. (You'll probably need to stir at least once during this time.)

*Goal is a very infrequent "boil up" bubble all throughout cooking*

13. Turn off heat, leave covered and let stand at least a half hour (melds the flavors together).

Dad's directions: "Eat! Then slap your mama and fart twice."

My directions: Grate cheese over the top (any is fine, cheddar or provolone are awesome) and serve with corn bread or saltine crackers (and I always enjoy mine with a glass of cold milk).

Chili always tastes best the next day, so make enough for leftovers. Enjoy!!!